If Second City were to do a comedy sketch on libraries or surveys, they would need to look no further than the Lisle Library's recent survey for inspiration.
From the initial crafting of the loaded survey questions, to the results announced before conducting the survey, to the covert collection of IP addresses, to the limited and controlled sample size, and finally, to the outright refusal to release un-redacted copies of the survey responses.
But before the survey, came the set-up.
Here's how the comedy sketch starts:
Opening scene Mayberry Library. Library staff sitting around a conference table munching on snacks paid for by the taxpayers. Employees chatting about the budget cuts and layoffs at the neighboring Mount Pilot Library. People are reading e-books and over 80% of the people in town now own their own computer. We need to think of something, anything, to keep our jobs. The library weeded out a huge portion of the print collection and the place looks empty. All this extra space. What to do? We already tried new furniture and redecorating and we still can't get enough people in here to make sure we keep our jobs.
One young librarian speaks up. Hey, how about we say that we want to convert all the space where we used have print books into FREE meeting space for the taxpayers?
A senior staffer noted that since people can download their own books, movies and music by themselves from home, we need to find some gimmicks, give-aways and promotional events to drum up some fake demand.
That's it... we will turn the library into taxpayer subsidized meeting space, maybe add a cafe, run some free park district-type programs/classes and use taxpayer money to publish some propaganda that will convince the town residents that this change is good for them. We will even make it seem like it is their idea! Awesome! Then we will tell them that we need a tax increase and more property to expand and grow into a big community meeting space.
But how do we make the taxpayers think its their idea? We need a plan.
What if we publish a few press releases about how libraries need to change and grow. If we say if often enough it will become the truth. Let's get some press about how libraries are not obsolete quiet places where people used to borrow print books and seek a quiet place to research and do homework or access the internet, but libraries are now really vibrant places where people meet and talk. Forget about meeting friends for coffee at Starbucks or getting together with your friends and their kids at the playground or a baseball game... The library is the place you wanna be. Don't forget everyone: "vibrant, vital, revitalize, connecting, evolving and big meeting space" now replaces "quiet, peaceful and books." Just string those words together into random sentences. Everyone will just read it and believe its true. Ready, set, go!
Time for "Press Release #1" Let's go with something touchy-feelly... starting with getting rid of the "quiet" and start pushing the concept of a community center. Oooh... I got it. Let's say the library connects people in the community. We need to convince those taxpayers that we are way more important than schools and churches for people to connect and meet with their neighbors. And don't forget to mention how "wonderful" the employees are so we can get a raise.
How about something vague and warm and fuzzy like this:
"One of the most important aspects of great public library service is creating opportunities to connect our community to not only our collections but to digital content, to the wonderful professionals that provide a road map for how to use it all and to each other.
Electronic Surveys
| Survey # | Date | Time Started | Time Finished |
1 |
27-Aug-13 |
3:09pm |
3:12pm |
| 2 | 27-Aug-13 | 3:16pm | 3:18pm |
| 3 | 27-Aug-13 | 3:18pm | 3:19pm |
| 4 | 27-Aug-13 | 3:32pm | 3:37pm |
| 5 | 27-Aug-13 | 3:27pm | 3:51pm |
| 6 | 27-Aug-13 | 3:42pm | 4:50pm |
| 7 | 27-Aug-13 | 5:38pm | 5:41pm |
| 8 | 27-Aug-13 | 6:42pm | 6:48pm |
| 9 | 27-Aug-13 | 8:06pm | 8:13pm |
| 10 | 27-Aug-13 | 8:27pm | 8:30pm |
| 11 | 27-Aug-13 | 8:53pm | 8:57pm |
| 12 | 27-Aug-13 | 9:20pm | 9:26pm |
| 13 | 28-Aug-13 | 4:44am | 4:54am |
| 14 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:01am | 5:04am |
| 15 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:14am | 5:20am |
| 16 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:23am | 5:27am |
| 17 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:11am | 6:15am |
| 18 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:17am | 6:20am |
| 19 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:34am | 6:36am |
| 20 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:42am | 6:45am |
| 21 | 28-Aug-13 | 7:26am | 7:33am |
| 22 | 28-Aug-13 | 7:26am | 7:57am |
| 23 | 28-Aug-13 | 8:12am | 8:17am |
| 24 | 28-Aug-13 | 8:02am | 8:26am |
| 25 | 28-Aug-13 | 8:25am | 8:33am |
| 26 | 28-Aug-13 | 9:38am | 9:42am |
| 27 | 28-Aug-13 | 10:11am | 10:15am |
| 28 | 28-Aug-13 | 10:45am | 10:49am |
| 29 | 28-Aug-13 | 11:27am | 11:32am |
| 30 | 28-Aug-13 | 11:34am | 11:34am |
| 31 | 28-Aug-13 | 12:19pm | 12:28pm |
| 32 | 28-Aug-13 | 12:53pm | 1:04pm |
| 33 | 28-Aug-13 | 2:01pm | 2:05pm |
| 34 | 28-Aug-13 | 2:09pm | 2:29pm |
| 35 | 28-Aug-13 | 2:36pm | 2:40pm |
| 36 | 28-Aug-13 | 2:51pm | 3:01pm |
| 37 | 28-Aug-13 | 3:51pm | 3:59pm |
| 38 | 28-Aug-13 | 4:01pm | 4:11pm |
| 39 | 28-Aug-13 | 4:07pm | 4:22pm |
| 40 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:43pm | 5:49pm |
| 41 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:49pm | 5:54pm |
| 42 | 28-Aug-13 | 5:47pm | 5:54pm |
| 43 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:05pm | 6:11pm |
| 44 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:35pm | 6:47pm |
| 45 | 28-Aug-13 | 6:47pm | 6:50pm |
| 46 | 28-Aug-13 | 7:01pm | 7:04pm |
| 47 | 28-Aug-13 | 7:34pm | 7:45pm |
| 48 | 29-Aug-13 | 6:42am | 6:45am |
| 49 | 29-Aug-13 | 8:39am | 8:43am |
| 50 | 29-Aug-13 | 8:40am | 8:54am |
| 51 | 29-Aug-13 | 9:16am | 9:20am |
| 52 | 29-Aug-13 | 9:17am | 9:30am |
| 53 | 29-Aug-13 | 9:44am | 10:04am |
| 54 | 29-Aug-13 | 11:05am | 11:09am |
| 55 | 29-Aug-13 | 12:23pm | 12:32pm |
| 56 | 29-Aug-13 | 12:27pm | 1:30pm |
| 57 | 29-Aug-13 | 4:18pm | 4:24pm |
| 58 | 30-Aug-13 | 7:02am | 7:10am |
| 59 | 30-Aug-13 | 1:00pm | 1:12pm |
| 60 | 30-Aug-13 | 2:27pm | 2:31pm |
| 61 | 30-Aug-13 | 2:27pm | 2:31pm |
| 62 | 30-Aug-13 | 4:43pm | 4:48pm |
| 63 | 30-Aug-13 | 8:45pm | 9:00pm |
| 64 | 31-Aug-13 | 8:24am | 8:41am |
| 65 | 31-Aug-13 | 8:36am | 8:42am |
| 66 | 31-Aug-13 | 8:53am | 8:56am |
| 67 | 31-Aug-13 | 10:59am | 11:19am |
| 68 | 31-Aug-13 | 11:43am | 11:45am |
| 69 | 31-Aug-13 | 11:46am | 11:49am |
| 70 | 31-Aug-13 | 7:20am | 1:29pm |
| 71 | 1-Sep-13 | 6:49am | 6:52am |
| 72 | 1-Sep-13 | 7:26am | 7:31am |
| 73 | 2-Sep-13 | 9:37am | 9:39am |
| 74 | 2-Sep-13 | 2:47pm | 2:50pm |
| 75 | 2-Sep-13 | 6:45pm | 7:02pm |
| 76 | 2-Sep-13 | 9:50pm | 10:03pm |
| 77 | 2-Sep-13 | 9:46pm | 10:03pm |
| 78 | 3-Sep-13 | 5:51am | 6:16am |
| 79 | 3-Sep-13 | 7:42am | 8:00am |
| 80 | 3-Sep-13 | 10:13am | 10:35am |
| 81 | 3-Sep-13 | 11:00am | 11:02am |
| 82 | 3-Sep-13 | 1:08pm | 1:13pm |
| 83 | 3-Sep-13 | 5:58pm | 6:04pm |
| 84 | 3-Sep-13 | 6:02pm | 6:04pm |
| 85 | 4-Sep-13 | 10:18am | 10:21am |
| 86 | 4-Sep-13 | 10:18am | 10:24am |
| 87 | 4-Sep-13 | 6:15pm | 6:30pm |
| 88 | 4-Sep-13 | 9:17pm | 9:21pm |
| 89 | 5-Sep-13 | 7:18am | 7:26am |
| 90 | 5-Sep-13 | 7:25am | 7:32am |
| 91 | 6-Sep-13 | 11:54am | 11:59am |
| 92 | 6-Sep-13 | 8:13pm | 8:34pm |
| 93 | 7-Sep-13 | 9:09am | 9:11am |
| 94 | 8-Sep-13 | 7:17am | 7:24am |
| 95 | 8-Sep-13 | 11:16am | 11:20am |
| 96 | 8-Sep-13 | 6:09pm | 6:16pm |
| 97 | 9-Sep-13 | 8:46am | 8:48am |
| 98 | 9-Sep-13 | 10:16am | 10:18am |
| 99 | 9-Sep-13 | 1:56pm | 1:59pm |
| 100 | 10-Sep-13 | 7:28pm | 7:32pm |
| 101 | 11-Sep-13 | 7:43am | 7:48am |
| 102 | 11-Sep-13 | 8:10am | 8:14am |
| 103 | 13-Sep-13 | 7:51am | 9:19am |
| 104 | 13-Sep-13 | 2:17pm | 2:19pm |
| 105 | 15-Sep-13 | 9:17am | 9:21am |
| 106 | 15-Sep-13 | 7:47pm | 8:45pm |
| 107 | 15-Sep-13 | 10:28pm | 10:36pm |
| 108 | 17-Sep-13 | 11:22am | 11:30am |
| 109 | 17-Sep-13 | 11:58am | 12:02pm |
| 110 | 17-Sep-13 | 3:46pm | 3:50pm |
| 111 | 18-Sep-13 | 4:01pm | 4:03pm |
| 112 | 18-Sep-13 | 4:11pm | 4:24pm |
| 113 | 19-Sep-13 | 2:20pm | 2:29pm |
| 114 | 21-Sep-13 | 11:12am | 11:18am |
| 115 | 22-Sep-13 | 7:23am | 7:29am |
| 116 | 22-Sep-13 | 7:00pm | 7:05pm |
| 117 | 23-Sep-13 | 4:35pm | 4:39pm |
| 118 | 23-Sep-13 | 5:42pm | 5:46pm |
| 119 | 24-Sep-13 | 4:51pm | 5:02pm |
| 120 | 24-Sep-13 | 5:24pm | 5:27pm |
| 121 | 26-Sep-13 | 8:25am | 8:30am |
| 122 | 30-Sep-13 | 4:58pm | 5:18pm |
| 123 | 1-Oct-13 | 6:29am | 7:07am |
| 124 | 1-Oct-13 | 10:55am | 10:59am |
| 125 | 2-Oct-13 | 5:49am | 5:53am |
| 126 | 2-Oct-13 | 8:10am | 8:16am |
| 127 | 2-Oct-13 | 11:17am | 11:49am |
| 128 | 2-Oct-13 | 2:05pm | 2:08pm |
| 129 | 2-Oct-13 | 2:49pm | 3:00pm |
| 130 | 3-Oct-13 | 10:38am | 10:45am |
| 131 | 5-Oct-13 | 6:08pm | 6:14pm |
| 132 | 6-Oct-13 | 2:33am | 2:41am |
| 133 | 6-Oct-13 | 12:35pm | 12:37pm |
| 134 | 6-Oct-13 | 2:16pm | 2:19pm |
| 135 | 8-Oct-13 | 3:01pm | 7:22pm |
| 136 | 9-Oct-13 | 6:58am | 7:02am |
| 137 | 9-Oct-13 | 2:33pm | 2:42pm |
| 138 | 9-Oct-13 | 7:41pm | 7:50pm |
| 139 | 10-Oct-13 | 12:58pm | 12:58pm |
| 140 | 11-Oct-13 | 11:32am | 11:33am |